I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
