i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
