brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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