And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
