Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
