Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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