I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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