i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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