you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
