Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You are the jesus of drinking
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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