Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
