I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
