I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I can't put those talents on a resume
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
