no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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