Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
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