this boner is exhausting
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Holy sore nipples Batman
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
