So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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