All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
