What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
