cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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