my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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