Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
