bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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