Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
