this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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