Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
