I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
