I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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