I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
