I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
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