I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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