just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
