You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
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