this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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