I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
