New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
