his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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