I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
