I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
