i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
