How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Dicks are not precious.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
