theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
