STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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