Pappa wants mamma naked
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Found the puke drawer
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
