When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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