I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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