I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I CAN MOONWALK!
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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