I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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