i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
