in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
